Aridi Writes

A little background on this:

The Independent – Anti X-Factor Christmas Campaign Is “Stupid”, Says Simon Cowell

The Guardian – Simon Cowell: Rage Against The Machine Campaign “Stupid”

Yes, that same story twice. Just for completeness.

So. Mister Cowell. To clarify…you are irked that a campaign to get a specific song to Christmas #1 is “stupid”, and “cynical” and “dismissive” of the competition. You also state that people have a “distorted view of Christmas number ones being incredible”. You make a point of mentioning Bob The Builder and Cliff Richard.

Those two points put together can be taken in many different ways, Mister Cowell.

I might imply that your own campaign to get a specific song to Christmas #1 – a campaign that involves a massive media push on all fronts to get the show X Factor into the lives of as many people as possible in the advertising equivalent of the firebombing of Dresden – is “cynical” and “dismissive” of competition. Especially competition that happens to fall outside of your corporate influence.

I might also imply that your apparent claim that “it just so happens that our record, to coincide with our show, goes out at Christmas” is at best ignorant, and at worse, a complete fabrication. “Just so happens”? So there was no plan AT ALL that the final would occur so close to what the marketing companies call the Prime Gifting Period? Any vertebrate with more than seven brain cells can understand the incredulity I’m expressing at this point in time.

Last year, the reaction to Alexandra Burke and her unfortunate cover of Jeff Buckley’s Hallelujah was on the spur of the moment, something that leapt fully-formed out of the hearts and minds of music lovers everywhere in immediate rebellion against a machine that had pushed too far, this time. Churning out bland, inoffensive pop songs and force-feeding it down the gullets of those who for the past three months have been absolutely drowned in the media coverage of those singing them was one thing. Doing THAT to a beautiful song was quite another.

This time, there is actual resistance. This time, people have stood up and said that, no, they won’t just let this continue. No competition to the complete TV domination of X Factor could happen in the domain of broadcasting, so two people formed a facebook group. Just two people. Does anyone else think that maybe the sheer numbers of respondents speaks for itself? Nearly 600,000 people, and it’s still three days BEFORE the number one slot starts being contested?

You may claim, Mister Cowell, that not having a number one record at Christmas is not going to change your life. I daresay you might be fibbing. Given the figures from last year – if every single member of the facebook group bought a copy of Killing In The Name, or the Children In Need single, or the Muppets version of Bohemian Rhapsody, or ANYTHING other than whatever X Factor gushes out into the pipes, then they’d actually knock you off the top spot. And that is a sudden spanner tossed into the works of the machine, isn’t it? Because that’s what X Factor is meant to do. It’s meant to produce Christmas number one singles, because Christmas number one singles sell albums, and promote DVDs and books, and sell magazines.

It was very gallant of you to hide behind the contestants, Mister Cowell. The workhorses that you throw into the mill wheel to churn out your paycheck. To use them as a reason for your apparent displeasure was a brave move. Apparently this facebook group will “spoil the party” for the three finalists.

The utter arrogance of that statement takes my breath away.

Am I right in thinking that, in your opinion…the moment it looks like a group of people that aren’t a multi-million pound media machine actually threatens the imminent, almost-undeniable Christmas influx…your contestants are actually going to feel disillusioned? Perhaps somewhat jaded?

And they aren’t at all jaded by the fact that the twins – who, lest we forget, were voted off the show – were signed by Louis Walsh, regardless? Thus somewhat cheapening the entire process of being paraded in front of a studio audience for one minute forty-five to sing a horribly cut-down version of a classic song, and hope that your less-than-two minutes of fame on that particular evening were enough to save you from the public’s depradations?

Likewise, they aren’t disillusioned by the notion that last year, Alexandra Burke was made to sing a song she didn’t like, and didn’t want to sing, and was still number one for it? A song that faced equally stiff – though not terribly pre-emptive – resistance? And it was still number one? They might wonder if their actual talent is what truly drives them forward, or if it wouldn’t matter who they were or what they could do with a microphone. They might wonder if all that is needed is the deft touch of SyCo, and they SHALL go to the ball.

If it is so immaterial when the single is released, Mister Cowell…then release it as the first single of the New Year. A week later, two weeks. Talk to the lovely people in FremantleMedia that you produce the show with, and see if you can’t arrange the show to “just happen to be” aired away from Christmas. I dare you, nay, DOUBLE-DARE you to back up the hot air that you spout so readily with action. And perhaps then, six hundred thousand people will have a reason to be less cynical.

You were right, at least, on one aspect of this entire situation.

It is aimed at you. ENTIRELY at you.

It was aimed at you last year, it will be aimed at you next year. It will be aimed at you until you stop choking our charts with crap. It will be aimed at you until people can listen to the radio for half an hour and hear one original and well-written song, with some actual talent behind it. It will be aimed at you until this music business is more about the music than the business.

I’m sure we all wish the three finalists the very best of luck. We don’t want to see THEM fail. And it will be YOUR failure if, should the unthinkable happen and your hit machine produces…less a Hit, and more a Shit…they suddenly find themselves bereft of recording contracts.

But then I’m sure you’ll do quite well off the next crop.

I wonder, Mister Cowell, if that thought alone will spoil this year’s party.